Somebody's Opinion Matters More..

“Somebody’s opinion of you matters more than your opinion of yourself.”-Gary Vaynerchuk

In hindsight, this is what kept me drinking past the expiration date of being palatable by me, or anyone else in my presence.  

I wanted a break from alcohol. I longed to go out with friends and not crave a beer. I knew in my soul that alcohol was not serving me anymore, but I just couldn’t figure out how to change this pattern.

What would people think if I didn’t drink at a work happy hour, or girls’ night out, or a school fundraiser gala? I would be the wallflower. Once again the awkward little girl in the corner with nothing interesting to say.

I was so afraid that if I quit drinking others would speculate I had a problem “controlling my booze.” Because of the opinion of others (fabricated or true) I led two lives. One where I would have a cocktail or two in a social situation to fit the role of a carefree, quick witted working professional, or easy-go-lucky mother of two, or the friend who was always ready for “deep talks” over a bottle of red. Would the “jig be up”? Would they finally figure out I was nowhere near perfect?

The other side of me would come home after a cocktail or two, and have another drink and another. I was trapped between two worlds of the seemingly causal social cocktail, what some may call “normal drinking”, and overindulging later in the evening. After the first two drinks a switch would go off in my brain that simultaneously charged my alter ego. Man, she was a surly powerhouse of a woman. She could debate politics all night, and have uninhibited sex later that evening. Isn’t this the woman my man desired? What would happen to our relationship if this was taken away?

I knew the opinion of others keeps me stuck and it’s part of my daily practice to fight the feeling I need to “keep up with the Jones”, but when I heard it put this way, that maybe even the opinion of others matters MORE than the opinion I have of myself, it sent a wave of confirmation bumps over my body, because that shit ain’t right!

If you are petrified with fear that you will fail, or that you will be misunderstood, or disliked, check in with yourself and make sure this isn’t the opinion of your aunt, sister, ex-boss, or of the random person you don’t even like anyway. If the image of another person comes into focus, immediately recognize this and change direction. The reality is, my friends, they aren’t even thinking of you anway, or if they are, it’s of your “opinion” of them.