Ninja Trick
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Guys, I have to share my newest ninja trick. I’ve been working a lot on learning about emotions, mine specifically. Not surprisingly, this is also a recurrent theme with my group of fabulous Senoritas Soberistas in Think Beyond the Drink.
For over-imbibers, we love to dull the edges of our emotions in the name of relaxation. If we realize it or not, we numb the “not good enoughs” but also the “I’m totally a badass” high flying feels life can bring too. Alcohol chooses which emotion we postpone, erase, or heighten. Usually the “not so good enoughs” return with a vengeance after a night of numbing, and the high flying feelings have dissolved. When we have some time between our last drink and today, the emotions we’ve been postponing join us once again, but this time we have to pull up our big girl panties and face them.
I spent this last week in Mexico with my love at an ALL-INCLUSIVE resort: FREE TOP SHELF BOOZE, Y’ALL.I had a particularly vulnerable moment on the second to last afternoon. I asked my husband to order two Pina Coladas, one for me and one for him. I convinced myself this wouldn’t really be a cheat because we all know they barely put alcohol in those things. By divine intervention, or my husband’s small bladder, he had to run back to the room. By the time he returned 5 minutes later, I heard myself say, “but mine without alcohol”. He wasn’t surprised I had a change of heart and ordered me a Virgin Pina Colada.
For the next hour I was unsettled, annoyed, distracted. Along with free booze 24/7, they also had a sweets buffet and ice cream parlor opened from 7 am - 11 pm. I was eating 3-4 desserts after lunch and dinner, so I wasn’t depriving myself of scrumptiousness, and each fork full of decadence was providing me with joy.
In this moment, however, while fidgeting on my chaise recliner I practically started to run to the sweet bar. Again, thanks to my husband’s ability to be easily distracted, he needed to go back to the room.
It was just enough time for me to stop and check in with my emotions. What was i feeling? I was annoyed and felt guilty that i was in this heavenly place with the coolest guy around and I didn’t feel like a shiny star but grumpy, and uncomfortable in my own skin.
I tried all the tricks in the book: a yummy frozen non-alcoholic drink, a swim in the pool, reading inspiring and courageous literature written by women who have many more month of sobriety than I. None of it was working. I had eaten so much this trip I didn’t really want anything else near my mouth (1st World problems). I was at a complete lose and wanted to scream. So, I chose the next best option. This one is the best ninja trick around, and anyone can do it from anywhere. I chose to take a big fat nap. I slept for 20 glorious minutes. I was able to wake up and reset my intention for the next half of the day. Plus sleeping instead of eating dessert saved me about 1000 extra calories, but who's counting
Sleep is such a beautiful thing, y’all. It’s a private little respite from the overstimulating world around. Sleep gently and without effort sifts through our brain and tosses what is useless (self-doubt, disappointment, embarrassment) and keeps what is needed (strength, beauty, love, courage). The frequency of our brain waves soothe as we shift down from the wakefulness of the alpha waves to deep healing sleep of the delta waves.
Just like learning a new language, I am still learning a new way of being. Sleep gives me the solace to integrate all I have learned throughout the day. As I enter my 11th month today without alcohol, the frequency, intensity, and number of triggers I once had are thankfully changing or fading. What is affectionately present is intimately learning who I am today, practicing compassion for myself and others, and evolving to the woman I want to be.
None of this would have been possible if I would not have taken the quantum leap of faith that all would be well. I am overcome with gratitude for all that I have learned and all I am becoming.
Take the leap of faith, y’all.